A Matter Of Necessity Read online

  He gave her fingers a quick squeeze, his face heating up until he no doubt looked as rosy as she was. Terri beamed.

  He shook hands with Mark and then colored further when David turned their handshake into a quick, embarrassed half-hug. The shorter agent was nearly as pink as Alex himself. "Just make the big lug happy, okay? The two of you, it seems to really work. And we all know he has really crappy luck with women."

  David's eyes slid to one side before coming back to meet Alex's. "So, you know, don't break his heart. I hate listening to him cry in his Foster's." Still his hand remained in Alex and he colored further. "And if he breaks yours, I'll hold him down while you beat him." He seemed to realize he was still holding Alex's hand and dropped it as if it burned, and cleared his throat. "So, now that we've gotten this solved, I might be able to get home in time to see the last half of the game."

  "Oh, man! The game!" Pain passed over Mark's face. "I forgot!"

  "How could you possibly forget?" David looked just as pained. "It starts in..." He looked at his watch and groaned. "Five minutes." Mark's shoulders slumped.

  Alex flicked a quick smile to Shawn, surprised the other man was still so solemn. "Or you could watch it here."

  David looked about the big room. "But you don't even have a TV."

  "Ye of little faith." Alex stood and rolled a fine Medieval screen to the side.

  "Oh, man." David's voice turned reverent.

  Mark stood and went to stand before the glory revealed. "Tell me that's not a fifty-six inch plasma Hi-Def TV."

  "I'm afraid I can't; it is. And I have cable. And I'm sure there's more beer in the pantry." Alex felt the first real smile in days spread across his face. "I would say it's the least I can do." He tossed David the remote.

  David flicked it on and scrolled to the proper channel. "Oh, that's beautiful." He dropped onto the couch beside Mark in a state of male game-fan bliss. "You know, if Shawn won't marry you, I might."

  Alex chuckled and turned to see Shawn staring at him with an unreadable expression.

  Chapter 7

  * * *

  "So how does that make you feel, Alex?"

  "Well, I don't know. Isn't that why I pay your exorbitant rates? If I understood how I felt about this, I wouldn't need you, now would I?" Alex stared out at the little courtyard and its pathetic bit of landscaping.

  Dr. Julian LeBeau laughed softly. "Very true. You seem more yourself today."

  "Do I? Well, that's interesting since I have no idea who I am at the moment." He didn't turn to face the analyst.

  "Are you sure about that?"

  "You know that's what I hate about these sessions. I come for answers and you give me questions. You know what? There are more than enough questions in my life right now." Anger leaked from his pores today and he wasn't sure why.

  "Why don't you tell me what your questions are then?"

  Alex spun to meet LeBeau's dark eyes. There were times when his psychologist looked too much like David Andrews. Luckily the faintest hint of an accent in his much deeper voice made it easier for Alex to bare his soul to the doctor.

  "Fine!" He drew a deep breath. "My boyfriend has moved in with me. My boyfriend. So there are all these issues about my sexuality." He poured every ounce of sarcasm and irony into this voice. "I'm not sure if I'm gay or not, you see."

  "I'd say you have the answer to that, Alex. You've always had a healthy relationship with women and enjoyed sex with women immensely, if what you've told me before is true. Now you have a very intense relationship with a man. And you enjoy the intimacy you have with Shawn. You aren't gay, Alex. You're bi. Just like your lover." The faintest smile played across the psychologist's face. "You haven't mentioned suddenly finding women unattractive."

  "They aren't. I still appreciate the odd glimpse of a long leg or a good breast, but I find I don't want to take them to bed. I don't want to take anyone to bed except Shawn." Alex sank down in one of the big leather chairs. "I don't think about anything these days except Shawn."

  "Alex, you're a trained investigator and as much a student of the human condition as I am. If you were an outside observer, seeing yourself free from the confines of being inside your own head, what would you deduce about yourself? What would you say is wrong with the man you see before you."

  Alex hated that particular tactic. He despised seeing himself as someone else would see him. But he knew from past experience it would help. So he stared at the ceiling thinking about the past ten months. He worked through the catalog of his actions and reactions, trying to take it in without the sometimes paralyzing emotions he'd experienced. Eventually he sighed. "I see a... a man who's fallen in love for the first time with someone both perfect for him and utterly unsuitable. And so he's torn about what he wants."

  "Yes, that's exactly it." The doctor motioned gracefully. "This isn't about who you are, Alex. You know who you are. And it isn't about whether you're straight, gay, or bi. You know the answer to that as well. It's about what you want. So tell me, Alex. What do you want?"

  Alex considered all the avenues open to him and the final terminus of each of those roads.

  "Alex, you're thinking too much. This time the answer is emotional, not analytical. What do you want?"

  Could it possibly be that simple? Just like so many parts of his life? Establish the goal and work toward it.

  "Alex?"

  "I don't know. I don't know what I want."

  "Until you do, you won't have answers to any of your questions."

  * * * *

  Alex stared down into Shawn's face, panting as he moved inside his lover.

  What do you want?

  He leaned forward to kiss Shawn, tightening the angle of their joining and drawing a gasp from the other man. "Alex!"

  He couldn't help but grin at the urgency of that cry. "What, sweetheart? I'm right here."

  Strong fingers bit into his shoulders, holding him tight. "Please!"

  "Not yet."

  Shawn's groan was half disappointment, half anticipation.

  What do you want?

  Alex moved with slow deliberation, taking his time, drawing out the ecstasy. Shawn might dictate and bully him everywhere else. He might tease and seduce until he got Alex into bed, manipulating everything until Alex could think of nothing but making love. But once that point was reached, Shawn's ascendancy evaporated and Alex took control. This was one place Shawn wouldn't push him around. Here it was the Aussie who did exactly what Alex wanted. Joyfully.

  What do you want?

  Right now? To see that look of complete rapture on his lover's face. To smell their mingled cologne, desire, and sweat. To feel their bodies moving in near perfect accord. To hear Shawn gasping Alex's name as he begged for what only Alex could give him. He wanted to do this over and over until Shawn could think of no one else. Ever.

  What do you want?

  Shawn Matthews without the complications and the drama, without the skull-splitting headaches, without the stigmas and discriminations. Without the heartache.

  The Australian's lips tasted sweet, the hunger in them feeding something deep inside Alex. "Show me how much you love me, Shawn. I need to feel that." He nipped at the tender flesh just below his lover's ear. "I need you, sweetheart, so badly. Show me you need me, too." He pressed, deeper, just the way he knew Shawn wanted him to. "Now."

  Shawn's whole body stiffened, back arching, driving him hard against Alex, a harsh cry escaping from deep in his chest as he exploded, Alex name echoing from the walls of their bedroom in a soul-scorching cry.

  What do you want?

  The impossible.

  * * * *

  "Hey, hey! Don't wrinkle the material. That's real silk, you know."

  David rested his forehead on one hand. "Not today. Please, God, not today."

  Alex almost echoed the sentiment, but decided being amused by David's distress might make for a better day. "And what brings you to our fair leader's notice and imminent migraine, Luis? I assur
e you, we've all purchased our quota of knock-off Rolexes for the pay period." He settled the coffee pot back onto the heating pad.

  Luis Morales, snitch extraordinaire and scruffy Cheech Marin clone, knotted up his face for an instant. "Eh! That's a good one. Though if it's true, it's a shame because I have in a new shipment that's so good even a high class jeweler can't tell the difference. And I love you guys so much I'll let you have them at cost. I have one that would look really good on you, Alex. Really high tone stuff, amigo."

  "Luis!" David stopped the outpouring of words and gestures. "Why are you here?"

  Luis might be the best snitch in D.C. but he was also a pain in the ass, his annoyance factor in direct opposition to his talent and body size.

  "David, compadré, that's a little sharp. Are you having stress again? You know that's not good for a man with your heart condition. Have you been taking those vitamins I got for you? You know, if you don't have your health, you don't have anything."

  Alex leaned on Shawn's desk, winking at his lover.

  David pulled his hand over his face. "Luis."

  "You know, you do look a little peaked. I've got just the thing for you." The little snitch dug about in his pockets. "It's right here somewhere. Oh, yeah! See, it clips on your finger and measures your stress level. You just have to know how to read the colors."

  "It looks like a mood ring." Shawn's not-really-a-whisper brought a happy smile to Luis's face.

  "Exactly! Same theory, but the technology is a hundred times better."

  Shawn started to snicker as Luis moved to attach the clip to David's finger. "Now come on, David! You can't take chances. I mean, a guy gets to be your age he has to take precautions. You never know what a bum ticker can affect!" Bright gimlet eyes snapped to Terri and then back to David. "You really want to be careful, if you know what I mean."

  Shawn lost it, doubling over in his chair. "That's right, mate. Though I'm sure if something like that does happen, Luis can hook you up with some affordable Viagra."

  "Oh, yeah, yeah! Not a problem! Good quality, right out of Canada. They have really good quality control up there, you know. None of that Mexican crap."

  If looks were blackjacks, David would have given Shawn a concussion. "Right. Well, you might want to remember, Shawn old buddy, that you and I are the same age."

  Alex guffawed.

  "Oh, laugh it up. You're older than either of us. So who's gonna need Viagra first, old man?"

  "Hey, I can vouch for Alex. That's not an issue he has." Shawn grinned up at Alex. "Is it, lover?"

  "Oh! Oh! That's why I'm here!" Luis bounced in ADD glee.

  "You're here because Alex needs Viagra?" David's voice was too lackluster for real humor. Alex commiserated; Luis had that effect on him, too.

  "No! Don't be silly. The whole town knows that isn't a problem he has. I mean, Alex Stevens has a rep like you would not believe. I heard this one time Alex and Shawn...and..." Luis's voice trailed off in the glare of multiple well-raised eyebrows. "Right. Any way! That's what I'm here about."

  If the silence became any more pregnant, Alex would expect it to birth twins. "Luis!"

  "Okay! I'm just trying to figure out the right way to say this. And remember I'm the messenger. And a messenger that's on your side. After all the cases we've been through together and us being on the same team and all."

  "Luis!" This time it was three male voices in perfect unison.

  "Okay. Jeez! Look, the word on the street is someone will pay big money to see one of you two dead. Not both though. They just want one. I guess someone wants to break you up." Luis gave an expressive shrug.

  "Ronnecker." Shawn growled the name like a curse and shot up in his chair.

  Luis nodded. "Yeah. And he's still got friends and associates out on the street. So, you two need to be careful."

  "How much is he offering?"

  The snitch fidgeted uncomfortably. "That's the thing. See? It's ten grand for either of you. Twenty if they can do one of you in front of the other one."

  Alex ground his teeth.

  "That son of a bitch!" Shawn's chin jutted out. "That..." He snarled and pushed to his feet, gathering up the front of Luis's shirt. "You make sure the word gets out that I will personally take out anyone who goes after Alex. You see to it they understand Shawn Wyatt's still around and I will carve up any bastard that lays a hand on my man. Do you understand what I'm saying, mate?"

  Alex folded his hand over his lover's, easing its clasp on the snitch. He met the much smaller man's eyes. "Luis." Just his name, just a certain timbre of voice. Nothing more was needed to convey his raging anger. Luis paled 'til Alex looked tan beside him. Apparently the word on Alex Stevens had reached him as well.

  "Right. Got you. The message will be delivered." He scrambled back and away from Alex. "Yeah, right. I'll just remind them of Benny, right?"

  Alex nodded.

  "On it." He collided with Terri's desk. "Yeah. On it."

  "Luis?"

  The snitch turned back, all puppy-dog big eyes.

  "Thank you for letting us know. I won't forget that. It..." Alex wrinkled his nose in distaste. "It shows you're part of the team." He shuddered a bit.

  Luis's smile burst out. "That's right! I am! You all heard that?" David grasped Luis's arm and began to pull him toward the hall. "Part of the team. And don't you worry! I'll make sure everyone knows. And I'll remind them there were no bigger badasses than you and Shawn! Don't you worry..." He was still talking as David hauled him to the elevator.

  * * * *

  A faint frown wrinkled Alex's brow as he stared down into the vestibule. Why was his lover here? There was no reason for Shawn to be in the federal courthouse today. Alex had testified in a case that was now over two years old, but there was nothing here today for Shawn unless...

  Alex sprinted down the stairs, heading for the spot he'd last seen the Australian as fast as his long legs would allow.

  Where, where...? There! Of course. Shawn knew all the ways prisoners were brought into the court. Alex pushed though the crowd, exiting one of the lesser courtrooms. He didn't dare shout. He wove through the strangers until he could reach his lover.

  "Shawn." He made sure the other man heard him before he wrapped his arms around the tense form from behind. His long arms trailed over Shawn's until he reached the gun already tight in Shawn's hand hidden under the leather jacket. "Please."

  "He wants you dead, love." So much rage there.

  Alex pressed a kiss to the spot behind Shawn's right ear. "Or you. But this isn't the way to do it. They'll put you away for the rest of your life. There's no way you can walk away from this." He could see Ronnecker sitting in a chair outside the court, waiting on his turn for Judge Colfield to hear his latest motion. A pair of guards were all that stood between him and Shawn's unerring aim.

  "Sure there is. I'll just join the other agents and LE types who'll pull their guns and shields looking for whoever did it. The cameras in this hall don't capture this corner." His whisper held cool deliberation. He'd planned it well.

  Alex pressed his body to Shawn's, holding his lover close. "What if you're wrong?" Ronnecker's guards brought him to his feet, ready to lead him to the courtroom. "They'll take you away from me. How am I supposed to live without the man I..."

  Shawn went very still, his gun hand still taut but no longer pressing up against Alex's hand. "The man you what, mate?"

  "The man I love." The hand with its deadly accoutrement relaxed. Alex guided Shawn's gun back into the holster, twining his fingers with the now empty ones. "I love you."

  Ronnecker's head jerked slightly when he saw the pair standing in an embrace, watching him.

  "And that bastard isn't going to take you away from me." Alex pulled Shawn as close against him as he could. "Living or dead."

  He watched as the guards led Ronnecker away, placing him firmly away from Alex's view and Shawn's gun.

  "You're mine." Alex glared at the closed door. "I finally know w
hat I want."

  * * * *

  Alex pressed Shawn tight against the wall of the stairwell. The other man's body shook with unburned adrenaline and anger. "Shawn, sweetheart?"

  "Seeing him, knowing he's on the face of the planet makes me want to puke."

  "I know." Alex had never seen his lover this angry and he'd seen Shawn vent on a wide variety of subjects and been on the receiving end of that anger a time or three.

  "The sick mother wants one of us to see the other die and will pay a premium for knowing it happens. He'd bleeding get off on seeing one of us dead and the other hurting. The drop-kick-and-punt will jack off on that for the rest of his life. Or until I kill him. I promise you, love; he offs you and I'll put him in the ground."

  "Shawn."

  "No, I mean it. I'll find a way to pop a cap on his arse or slit his throat. I will." Shawn's chest heaved with rage. "I not letting that shiv son of a bitch take you away from me." He ground his teeth. "The thought of him sitting there enjoying you dying! Hell, he probably wants video of it."

  Alex responded with a sarcastic smile. "Doubtless. He'll want it before he makes payment in any case. Cheap bastard."

  Shawn's eyes went very wide. "He would, wouldn't he? He'd arrange some way to see it. He'd have to have that. He'd want to gloat over it. Alex..."

  There were moments Alex couldn't believe how in sync he was with his lover. "We need to talk to David."

  * * * *

  Gunfire shattered the bright afternoon, splattering scarlet across the pale brick of the building behind Shawn. The Australian's body jerked in time with the hum of an automatic weapon. The bullets pushed him back against the black-streaked surface of the wall before he slid down. He sank into a boneless heap sprawled in the weeds and refuse of the abandoned lot.

  Alex's gun answered the automatic as he ran to his fallen lover, his stance protective and sheltering, his body between Shawn and any further harm. The sound of the weapon fell silent, replaced by the screech of a car speeding away.